With age comes......uh....

[NOTE: This post was origionally written on the 5th of September, but it got F'ed up in the process of posting it so I was really mad and didn't go back to do it again till now. Today's writing/continuation of this post starts after 15 Years Old.]

Every year we turn older, and with every turn of age, something new will happen to you that year, I've noticed (I promise you I am seriously not as stupid as that sounds). I can't be bothered starting from year -1, so we'll start from....13 and chronicle the "teenage" years. Since I'm not a guy, and I can't be bothered to come up with ideas of what happens to boys, I'll just list milestones in the aging of most girls. Also, please note that 99.9999% percent of this post consists of extreme exaggerations on some parts as well as some sarcasm. Joy!


13 Years Old - "Dude, I'm a teenager! sou-weeeeeet!!" But later you learn that this honestly doesn't mean squat.
"Eeek! I need a boyfriend! Quick, quick!" then "go out", "break up", and find another one 20 minutes later. {note, this never happened to me. I was a good kid.First relationship lasted 11 months, thankyou.}

14 Year Old - When a girl turns 14, everyone wants to have sex with you. Either by blatant, forward invitaton, or you actually get around having sex with someone, or just a bunch of people ask you for it. And the person who asks you for it may not necessarily be 14 and discovering his "features", either.

15 Years Old - "Forget what I thought at 13, I am SERIOUSLY a teenager now...", "Dude! I can almost drive!" And you'll reckon you should really be fitting into everything now, but this turns out to be not as true as you had hoped.

16 Years Old - "I CAN DRIVE!!!!!!!!!!" Which, at first glance, will entail your everlasting freedom. It is the miracle of all miracles, nothing is better than that little plastic card with a picture of you on it which looks like you've had the century's worst case of flu and not washed throughout the event, and STILL haven't washed..but the DMV was open today...so had...to...get...the...picture...taken....(cough)....(choke)....(gasp)....(silence = death). This also proves to be not true, as the only "everlasting" part of getting a license for driving is that your parents will nag you do "go do this", and "can you please drop this off/pick that up", and "if it's not too much trouble, swing by such and such...." Thus you become their personal courier/chauffer of siblings younger than oneself. You are also legally able to have sex in many countries(example: Australia), and many teenagers lose their virginity in backseats of cars (hmm...could it possible be connected to the acquisition of a license?), and if not during their 16th year, maybe later...But plenty of invitations will still be given.

(Everything from this point on is speculation mixed with testimony of those I know, as I have yet to experience these ages.)

17 Years Old - Considered by many to be the "real" year of teenage living, though I beg to differ that it last about 7 years (13-20). Most teenagers will have lost their virginity by this year, as it is the legal age in the USA. Much of this year is spent cruising around in one's car to waste away negative energy, studying (if one has planned for their future), or working.

18 Years Old - An odd disease called Senoritis is expected to hit during this year, although it has been often known to hit during the 17th year. This is also the legal age for consumption of alcohol in most countries, use of tobacco products in every country, legal purchasing of pornography and the right to vote in the USA. For those who care about their future, this year is spent stressing over getting good marks, and getting into a good university to further one's studies, as well as feeling a very odd sense of pride as they are now a "legal" adult.

19 Years Old - The last "true" teenage year. Lots of this time is spent mourning the upcoming loss of Teenageability, as well as studying if one DOES care about one's future. Some few individuals will actually be spending the majority of this time exercising their new-found legal alcohol and porn-buying abilities, but we don't really care about that, now do we. If not spent in university studies, this year can often be found spent by working at some low-grade job, because that's the only sort of job that this sort of person will ever be able to get if this person does not go to university, and thus this individual struggles like hell with bills ans other such similar things that come with this age and the moving out of one's parents' house.

20 Years Old - Transition between Teenageness and Adultness. University. Regret of moving out of one's parents' house because now you have to pay for everything and Mommy will no longer wash your socks for you and bring you yummy chewable pink pills when you "feel yucky and don't wanna go to school today". The reality sets in that you really are on your own and this is what the world could possibly be all about, and OH GOD they did not prepare you enough for this (that is, unless you went to uni...haha sucker..).

21 Years Old - Now you are a REAL ADULT. In the United States you will now be able to legally buy and consume alchoholic beverages, but it's not like it matters because all weekends of the previous 7 years were already spent illegally consuming alcohol, so really you're an expert by now. But you will spend the rest of your adult life regretting becoming an adult, every time you take a sip and recall that this was the last priveledge you ever earned via ageing. That is, until you turn 65. Then, it's Senior's Discount all the way, baby!

Dit's Blockedd

Ib duh way bi feel bight now band hab feld since yusterbday is anythig cloze, then I bimagine this id whud a sidus idfection musth be like. (And typing like that is extremely hard, so I'll stop.)

My nose has been leaking for 2 days, mostly on the left side. But then when I go to blow my nose, the right side releases more *SNOT* (hahahaha). And then there was this cough, too, but it left. Like I said, I imagine that this is perhaps what a sinus infection would feel like. But I wouldn't know, because I don't have any. Sinuses, I mean. Yes....wierd....but it's cool because I've been sleeping like a log (not that I didn't already). I also was feeling the effects of my sickness, it must have had mental side effects, because I was chatting with Bobby last night and my nose just WOULD NOT STOP RUNNING, and if I was always wiping my nose I couldn't type, so umm......I shoved some tissues up my nose for about 5 minutes until I could feel the flashing marquee above my head, reading "RETARD! RETARD! RETARD!" 'Ding! Ding! Ding!' We're not doing that again.

My grandfather on my mother's side didn't have any sinuses either, so there. (Simply because I knew that you were still sitting there, scratching your head like a monkey, thinking "Huh? No sinuses? How is that even possible????" Yes, apparantly, it is.)

{Today's post specially typed is snotty/pukey green colour}

Life-scarring, Unfortuantly Unforgettable Moment no.7,862

16-year old girls do not need to know whether or not their father can "handle" Jessica Simpson.

"And"

Because it's your birthday, I give you a special post, because you're a special person and
I hope your 16th year on this earth will be the best you've yet experienced and
Maybe a tragic accident will befall "Dr. Evil" and
She gets Amnesia, not remembering anything about all the Evil things she's done and
This will cause your wish to happen, entailing the "perfectest" birthday present ever!

I have to say, please thankyou very much for everything you've done and
You've been such a wonderful friend to me, and
I don't know how I'd repay you, but I can always try and
You probably won't read this post, I don't blame you, and
I know you feel very helpless and
Like everything is falling. But keep in mind please that you're beautiful inside and
Outwardly, everyone likes you best. [heehee].

In the end, goodness prospers and
Everything will work out fine. Everything will be okay in the end, and
If it's not okay, then it's not the end. And
I know you've heard that a million times before, but it's true and
I wish for you to find peace...And You know what? Remember that paper with your name and
Michael's name and
Lydia's name on it? Well, it was from the church camp I went to and
Your names were on it coz we were asked to stand up and
Pray for 3 people we know. I chose Michael, Lydia, and
You. I prayed not to God (because truth be told, dear, I don't believe in God), and
Not to anyone in general. Just to some higher power above earth and
I asked them to please give you hope in this world and Realize how many people truly care about you and
To make the right decisions, to turn you into a magnificent person and
To find real love and
Recognize it, embrace it and
To find true happiness.
Happy Birthday, Amay.